“Who threw that?” in my stern mommy tone!
A few months ago Derek received an e-mail from a reporter at the National Post that wanted to talk about his story. We happily obliged, after all we thought making the front of the local paper would be the most press we’d ever get in our lifetime. We felt like little league players that get a chance to run the bases at the Rogers Center; this was the big leagues.
We didn’t tell anyone about the interview and a few months passed before we got a call that the story was going to print in this past Saturday’s paper. We were so excited that Derek got up at 5:45 am (before the kids were awake) and drove to the corner store to get a few copies as soon as the papers were delivered. I got up too and boiled water so we could drink tea and read our story.
We really enjoyed the article, and marveled how Melissa could take hours of phone calls, dozens of e-mails, and countless blog posts and summarize our “retirement” goals as well as she did. We called our family and friends, and posted a pic reading the paper on facebook. It was a great Saturday.
Then Sunday hit, and the story was published online. Derek came out of the computer room at 6pm and asked me to promise not to comment. I knew this wasn’t a good sign. He pretty much told me that someone had written something about me on the bathroom stall wall. I was heartbroken and curious at the same time.
Well OF COURSE I’m going to read it.
I promised Derek I wouldn’t engage the negative commenters, not that I wouldn’t read it.
Let me tell you words like “parasite” cut deep.
It’s the morning after and I’ve had a little time to go beyond the shouting matches in my head and I’ve learned a few things about the whole experience:
- Only some people online follow the childhood rule to “say nothing if you have nothing nice to say.” When we read something we like, agree with, or inspire us we generally don’t comment. At most we’ll share it on facebook. But if we disagree with something you can be sure we’re voicing our opinions loud and clear, and sometimes we include a few extra jabs to get our point to stick. I’ll be more conscientious in the future to share kinds words when I’m thinking them.
- This has been a great opportunity to understand a little more about human nature as well. For the most part, we like to be reassured that what we’re doing is “right,” and tend to get defensive when something pushes us out of our comfort zone. You’ll notice I’m not quoted saying people who subscribe to cable TV are wrong. That’s because I didn’t say it, and don’t think it. We make a point not to tell people how to spend their money but encourage people to think about how they spend their money. We openly share how we choose to spend our money. We don’t have cable TV because I know I would watch non stop HGTV, and while I might be knowledgeable on the real estate markets in Atlanta, Portland, and San Diego. I wouldn’t be a very engaged wife, mom, and daughter. Non stop HGTV doesn’t align with my values, and goals for life, therefore we don’t spend money on it.
- Every day we get to choose our focus. Last night as I curled up next to Derek, feeling sad, the word parasite was like a flashing neon billboard sign. Kind comments weren’t the comments I was choosing to think about. Focus matters. Shout out to Grocery Alerts for their kind words. If you’re curious how I save on groceries and want to do the same, they are a great resource and can teach you how to double up savings (using coupons on sale items.) Although remember, it’s only a deal if you need it.
A few clarifications for some recurring questions
Childcare expenses:
Our childcare expenses are low because the numbers in the article are an average of our monthly spending in 2012. Evelyn, our youngest child, was born in December 2011. Therefore, I was home with all of our children on maternity leave. $80/month was spent on activities with the kids, like a Steam train ride in Waterloo, a session of swim lessons, African Lions safari, and other similar expenditures. I plan to go back to work for half days when Madelyn and Ethan are in full-time school (this Sept.) Evelyn’s time while I’m at work will be split between grandparents and daycare. We would be willing to put Evelyn in day care everyday but we’re blessed with parents who are both local and enjoy spending time with our children. It is not our expectation that they help us, but are incredibly grateful for all the help our parents have given us. It’s comforting to know our children are being loved in our absence.
The Math:
We know kids get more expensive as they get older, we also know that if we didn’t work other expenses would be reduced. It’s not that we plan never to earn another dollar after 35, we just want a little more freedom in making those decisions. We don’t plan on kicking our kids to the curb at 18, nor do we plan to give them a free ride through post secondary. We plan to help them, but starting to take care of yourself financially is just as important as the calculus lectures in our opinion.
Working after 35:
I think after reading the article you’ll agree Derek and I are pretty ambitious; sleeping in until 11am every day, never-changing out of our fleecy pajamas, and discussing which trilogy we should watch today probably isn’t as accurate representation of what the future holds for us.
We don’t hate our jobs, actually we like them. We might choose to continue to work after 35. What we’re working towards is financial independence. We don’t want to be in a situation that financial compensation dictates how we spend our time and energy. Think about all the times you’ve thought “wouldn’t it be great if…” but then you’ve stopped yourself because with bills and other commitments it just isn’t feasible. We’re working towards breaking down those barriers. My “wouldn’t it be great if” dreams usually involve charity, teaching, travel, or an online business that gives back. Time will tell but being excited about the future is a great feeling.
You can read the full article on the National Post website here.
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